GOLDEN AGE

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  • Phallus altar
  • Phallus altar
  • Phallus altar
  • Phallus altar
  • Phallus altar
$44.00

Description

Are you desperate? With a gloomy sexual life?

Oh, I'm really sorry. I think it is because you lack positive sexual symbols, like lacking vitamins.

Did you notice that Wall Street wolves secured their wealth by erecting the Charging Bull? Do you see the point? I think I have something that can help. This one-of-a-kind, artful handmade Maypole is for You.

It is the perfect source of vitamin S(ex).

Take a look at its shiny, straight, and erect shape. Do you feel as it engages you in a positive sexual mood and thinking? Try it once a day for 21 days. I’m sure you will feel better. You partner will feel better. Your lovemaking will be much better. Reality actually roots in thoughts. Now this makes for a new, strong, and optimistic root. Just imagine a great tree of love and pleasure flourishing above it. And there is a juicy, ripe orgasmic fruit on every branch.

I hope that Bostonian lady does not get it ahead of you.

Yes, I pack it very carefully. Yes, it arrives in a few days. Yes, it is one of a kind. And it works even before it arrives. Simply looking forward to the package and choosing the place for it makes a difference.  

It looks weird. Why do I need it in my house?

It is somewhat similar to the most important part of a man. But it looks less bold. Actually it looks like chocolate-coated ice cream. I find it funny seeing it stand in a bowl. Imagine a bowl of cereal with milk, and there is such a thing in the middle of it.

"Why are you standing straight all the time? Sometimes you can lie down and take a break . . . Look at this colorful frenzy pillow,” I say to him. “Relax, my dear, you can be just what you are. Calm down. Stop pretending that you are . . . a cannon. Well, sometimes you are the Cannon . . .”


What was in my mind when I made this item of —

Fashion? Art? Worship? Houseware?

Once upon a time, in the summer of 2015, I read a long-titled book, Rituals and Other Habits of European Countries in the 19th Century. The book described a ceremony that villagers used to perform. They erected a giant penis statue, decorated it with flowers, and danced around it. They called it Maypole.
The Maypole gave a sign that May had come. It meant that everybody (men, women, children, old people—all of them) should dress up, pick some flowers, and dance around a nice big penis. Everyone blessed the penis to be durable, pleasant, and creative. Everyone danced, and everyone knew that the community’s mood and happiness depended on the good mood of the penis. The penis was a symbol. Great idea! Why aren’t we dancing like that now, in New York?


Another thing in my mind was the Kama Sutra book.
I read it once at an airport. Our plane was late, and we were stuck for hours. Airports are places of queues. It would have been awfully boring without the Kama Sutra with me. Nothing bothered me when I was reading the Kama Sutra—neither passport control nor customs. I opened the Kama Sutra, and the officers . . . faded out of my mind.


There was colorful Indian girl sitting and meditating.
She was sitting in front of a lingam. A lingam statue looks like a huge penis, standing in the middle of a bowl. What was she doing during the meditation? She was calming her mind, recalling some nice events related to some nice penis. Maybe she was trying to forgive another less nice penis. We do not know.
We do know (the book tells us) that sometimes she took a pitcher of warm milk (not cold) and poured it over the penis.
Maybe she wished the lingam to be in some wet environment (it is better for him, the lingam). Or maybe she wished the lingam to be healthy as a bull (milk is a symbol of health). Or maybe she wished him (the lingam) to look like a Belgian waffle inside Italian ice cream. Beautiful and delicious. What more is needed?


I deeply enjoyed creating  my version of a Kama Sutra–inspired Maypole.
 After I created a really successful one, I sat in front of it, looking and meditating. Was there peace between us? Was there happiness? Silence? I was listening to the lingam and to my own heart. Then I felt that this glistering, ever-hard creature sometimes like to be comforted. To sustain its masculine power, it sometimes need a soft place to lie down or curl inside. Then I made a pillow for the lingam. The pillow embraces the lingam, lulling him softly, “Take a break. You try too hard to be a hero all the time . . .” After a short rest, it is ready to serve you again, strong and sturdy as ever.

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Additional Information

Pole Height:
4.3in (11cm)
Pole Width:
1.3in (35mm)
Bowl Width:
4.5in (11.5cm)
Pillow Width:
8.4in (21cm)
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