This story is dedicated to You, my beloved customer, as one who is about to purchase this handmade, one-of-a-kind phallus. Anybody who possesses a phallus connects to it emotionally. That is why I'd like to tell you about how we – the phallus and I – felt when I made it. Nothing is more natural than listening to a new friend's story. And since the phallus isn’t all that talkative, I'm going to be the one to share it with you. I really enjoy making a clay phallus. I use only natural clay. I touch it thousands of times. Stroke it. Talk to it. Sometimes I tell it stories. I wish it great success in its mission to bring pleasure.
What do I feel when I am making a phallus? A bright rainbow of emotions come over me. There are times I feel like the Creator molding the first man from the dust of the earth. Indeed, the clay that I am working with is no different. Same dust of the earth, with just a little added water. And so I imagine myself this Creator as he takes a piece of clay, and another, sculpting arms and legs – and finally, the phallus. The more I work with clay, the more I understand that making a good man requires practice. Bringing him to life demands a lot of love. Immersed in my work, I am continually thinking: "How did life come to be breathed into a man or a woman?"
When I create a phallus, I try to replicate the work of the Creator. Yes, you are right! I admit it. There is a secret that I haven’t solved yet. I still do not know how to make a living, feeling phallus. But I keep trying. And my creations are getting better and better.
When you get home and open the package, you are really going to feel the effect. I love working with clay. I think that it’s the most enjoyable thing in my life. Asked what I’d do if I had one day left to live, my answer would be that I’d like to work with clay. I have good reasons for saying this. Clay is the dust of the earth. When I will die, I will return to the dust, to the clay. And then, one day, a ceramicist will take me into her hands and turn me into a vase – or maybe a phallus.
I'm making a new phallus for You. This is why I'm working with clay at the moment. Holding it in my hands. Touching it, stroking it, pressing it. I ask this piece of clay: “Dear ancient soul, imprisoned in this piece of the earth, what would you like to become now? What would you like to do in your new life? What dreams are you still hoping will come true?” Sometimes, I'm sure I hear the answer: “I would like to love and be loved.” And I can do that! In making you a new, smooth, ever-hard and colorful phallus, I make this promise to the piece of clay: “You will love and be loved. You are going to meet new friends.” And now that you’re reading this story, my promise is on the way to becoming true. I’m sure, as they saying goes, that “this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Your new Phallus is a unique work of art. As such, you are now the lucky owner of a personalized, one-of-a-kind item, handmade from fine terracotta clay, hand painted by me and then fired in a kiln at 1050° C. Your new terracotta lover will serve you timelessly with minimal care required from yourself. Just remember to wash it thoroughly with warm water and soap before and after each session. Do not use boiling water, as it will destroy the chain. For deep cleaning, soak your Phallus in alcohol for couple of hours. Do not worry, it will not get drunk.
Touching your body, the phallus awakes it slowly and smoothly. Your body has enough time to adopt the new feelings, recalibrate itself, and adjust to healthier joyful biorhythms.
Take another look at your new phallus. Is it worthy of a click? Yes, it certainly is. So go ahead!